The Business Man vs The Artist: "What is this? A #&cking steakhouse?!"

In the kitchen that I am working in, I can classify the chefs into two categories. In one group, the chefs just work for the sake of working and cut corners to keep the restaurant business afloat. They are the utilitarians who just have to put steak and potatoes on the menu to cater for the general public. They are also the ones that cheat and use Chinese wonton skins to make ravioli (and the dumb patrons can’t tell the difference).

Then there is the other group of chefs who are more interesting. They are the true artists in the kitchen who come up with the most bizarre and beautiful combinations. These chefs, despite earning pauper wages, will visit the top restaurants to explore what their creative peers are producing. I know one in particular who is so passionate about his craft and gets insulted when someone orders a steak sandwich in which he sarcastically replies, “Do you want fries with that? And would you like to upsize your meal? What is this? A fucking steakhouse?!!”. I truly feel his pain. I think that when he leaves (I am pretty sure that he will eventually) and open up his own restaurant, he is one of those chefs to watch closely.

There is a constant battle between these two groups. On one side, you have to be sensitive about the costs to make money but on the other side, you also want to be creative to set yourself apart from the rest. In my view, why not be creative and if people like your food, they wouldn’t mind paying a little bit extra to experience something different.

Mirepoix (Large & Small): Cut the vegetables into pieces of the same approximate size. The longer the vegetables will be cooked, the larger the pieces of mirepoix. Large mirepoix is primarily used in stocks and small mirepoix in the making of sauces.

The poultry suppliers tried to screw us over today following Tuesday’s debacle on the lukewarm meats. He claimed that the meats were not frozen because they just slaughtered the birds that morning and sent it to us first thing. However, when the Sous chef filleted one of the birds, he noticed that the middle was still frozen so he knew that the supplier was trying to pull a fast one on us.

Besides dishonest suppliers, restaurants also have to put up with dishonest patrons who try to complain about the smallest detail to get a free meal. We had 4 covers today and although they complained about the bread not being toasted properly, they cleaned out their entire plates (including the bread) and walked out without paying.

Another challenge which kitchens face is consistency, which is why a good executive chef would demonstrate the dish to everyone in the kitchen and leave pictures of the food presentation along with its recipe to follow to a T.

Oblique cut: This cut is used on elongated vegetables such as carrots and parsnips. Starting at the narrow end of each vegetable cut a diagonal piece about 1/3 inch long, with the knife blade pointing away from you at a 45-degree angle. Roll the vegetable a quarter turn and cut another piece at the same angle. Repeat the process until the vegetable widens. Slice in half lengthwise and continue to turn and cut. If the pieces become too large, cut lengthwise again to keep pieces equal in size (Keller 2007).

Stop! Don't order the salad!

What I am going to say may put you off eating at a restaurant (but it wouldn’t matter if you absolutely loved food and/or you just can’t cook for shits). There is nothing healthy about food here. Everything has got at least 3 times the amount of fat than you think it does. In Western cooking, chefs cook by the bars of butter instead of grams and even in “healthy” Asian stir-fries, either the meat or the vegetables are deep-fried before they are stir-fried. “Ah ha! Then I will just stick to the salads” you might quip but think again. I have worked in three restaurants now (2 of them were in the top 5 in Sydney) and none of them actually wash their salad leaves. Imagine the pesticide residue still left on them.

I was left to my own devices as the breakfast chef decided to walk out of the restaurant and take the day off. No one gave me specific recipes to follow so I prepared my interpretation of the menu – I made my own version of corn fritters with avocado salsa and rocket, fluffy ricotta pancakes, cinnamon berry compote with Malibu liquor and French toast with dried fig and ricotta mix. When the executive chef came in, I could tell that he was impressed with my corn fritters because he finished the entire sample plate and asked for the recipe.

The genetic virtues of a chef

When you enter the commercial kitchen for the first time, you should know where the first aid box is because accidents happen all the time. One of the chefs noticed my really bad habit of holding my vegetables in the wrong manner and just as he was predicting my next cut while he was demonstrating the “correct technique”, he sliced the top of his finger with my knife. Suddenly my chopped white onions turned Spanish red. Which brings me to my thoughts on what kind of qualities should a great chef have - stamina, coordination, tastebuds, the ability to improvise and the gift of healing fast.

Batons: This vegetable cut is similar to Julienne, but cut thick like potato chips.
Using a mandoline or sharp knife, cut vegetables into sheets of the desired thickness. Trim to desired length. Cut crosswise to form batins of an even thickness and width.

Dice: Vegetables are perfectly cubed. Cut the vegetables into batons, leaving the pieces as long as possible. Cut across into squares to form the dice.

Turned: Vegetables cut in this method look like miniature rugby/footballs.
Cut the vegetables into pieces slightly larger than the desired size of the shaped vegetable. Using a paring knife, cut from top to bottom, making the ends slightly tapered than the middle.

I have rediscovered the magic of using bleach. My uniform gets stained with beetroot and it comes off after an overnight soak. At the rate that I am going with the stuff, I think I will have to start bulk-buying generic bleach. I have noticed that in every kitchen that I have worked in so far, the chefs wear the same brand: “Club Chef”. Does this brand have a monopoly in the chef’s uniform department? And the uniforms for women are not flattering at all. It’s as if a man designed the uniforms and instead of using a female model for his samples, he has chosen to fashion the pattern after a male midget.

"Don't touch my dick, don't touch my knife" Part I

Knives are like the extension of their owner’s penises. Everyone checks out each other’s equipment – the bigger they are, the more impressive. And nobody touches each other’s knives during work – “Don’t touch my dick, don’t touch my knife” attitude. It is the one thing that chefs will wash themselves and will not leave to the kitchen hand to clean.

Every chef supplies his/her own set of knives which makes sense because a good knife can cost about AUD$300, and because you spent so much money on it, you wouldn’t abuse your own knife. You would not simply throw it in the sink because it could damage the knife’s point and you’d make an effort to sharpen it regularly.

When the knife point is damaged, you can send it back to the manufacturer to get it re-tipped at a fraction of its cost.

The biggest sin for any chef is not to sharpen his/her knife regularly. You are inevitably punished for your laziness – blunt knives can’t cut as well and when you accidentally cut yourself (which you will in a commercial kitchen), the cut isn’t as clean when it happens with a razor sharp knife.

If you cut your hand, you have to wear gloves the entire day (until the wound heals) for hygiene reasons.

In the commercial kitchen, I realise that I have a 20-yr-old bad habit of incorrectly holding my food when I chop. My fingers are stretched out and not neatly tucked away. Yes, I need to improve on my knife skills and after this whole year, I aim to do so. I am currently using a 26cm Global chef knife and although it is light enough for constant cutting, you have to sharpen it more regularly than you would using a Shun knife.

I love big knives and I am always trying to upgrade in size. However, I found out that shops cannot bring in any knife longer than 30 cm because it would be considered a weapon in the Australian Custom’s perspective.