Saturday, June 14, 2008

What's your poison?

Dr T: Good to see you again. Your blood results just came in this morning.
RG: Geoff, before you proceed with this conversation, just tell me one important detail - should I take up additional life insurance policies?
Dr T: Don’t worry so much!
RG: I can’t help it… I’m 25% fat and 75% cynic.
Dr T: OK, everything’s pretty much in the normal range except your cholesterol. It’s almost double the acceptable average!
RG: Damn, I just made 8 pots of duck liver pate with Grand Marnier and mandarins. What should I do?
Dr T: Start your diet tomorrow.
RG: Isn’t there something easier than dieting? I’m a chef, for God’s sake!
Dr T: Well, you could offload some of that pate to me and I’ll pop extra Lipitor tablets tonight.

Apple seeds contain cyanogenic glycosides. Although the amount found in most apples will not kill a person, one could die if enough seeds were ingested.

As every job has its occupational hazards, I might as well mention a few related to cheffing. Of course, you have the usual back problems due to carrying heavy stockpots full of bones and vegetables. The weekly cuts you get from your knife and burns from pots are a given. But there’s something more sinister than everything mentioned above – carpal tunnel sydrome! This is mainly due to repetitive knife work especially when you are using a knife too large for you or if your work bench is not at the ideal waist level. Carpal tunnel can lead to much pain and discomfort often in the form of numbness or pins and needles that resonate throughout the entire arm.

Fugu has become one of the most celebrated and notorious dishes in Japanese cuisine. The Japanese pufferfish contains lethal amounts of tetrodotoxin (a sodium channel blocker) in its internal organs and also in the skin. Therefore only specially licensed chefs are allowed to prepare and sell fugu to the public. The poison paralyses the muscles while the victims stay fully conscious, who eventually die from asphyxiation. There is currently no antidote, and the standard treatment is to try to support the respiratory and circulatory system until the effect of the poison wears off (Wikipedia).

Those of you who are aspiring male chefs be warned. As mentioned by Gordon Ramsay, you are more likely to suffer from low sperm counts because your balls are poached in front of the hot stoves the whole day.

Antoine-August Parmentier, a pharmacist-turned soldier, helped popularise the potato in 18th- century France(Stein 2008), where it had been deemed poisonous due to the presence of solanine (a glycoalkaloid poison) found in the leaves, fruit and tubers. Symptoms of solanine poisoning include nausea, diarrhoea, stomach cramps, burning of the throat, heart arrhythmia, headache and dizziness. In large quantities, solanine poisoning can be fatal.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Foie Gras and Fat Arses

Regardless of what position one may hold in the restaurant – be it a restaurant manager, waitress or kitchen ward – people tend to abuse the kitchen as if it were their own or a 24-hour free supermarket. The food is just there and the little bastards take it! It happens throughout the ranks and more than half the time the missing food is unaccounted for. The wastage book records should be double what it is.

The history of foie gras begins in ancient Egypt. Goose fat was used for medicinal purposes and geese were raised for sacrificial offerings, as well as food for both the rich and poor. The centre of the goose trade was in Chenosboscia at the edge of the Upper Nile marshes whose name is believed to mean “place where geese are fattened”. Egyptian historical records depict the earliest practice of force-feeding. (Ginor, 1999)

In one day, I have seen the general manager come in with his line caught snapper for one of the apprentices to gut and de-bone, the function manager taking home a kilo of self-raising flour, the kitchen ward making himself a prawn pizza with the works and the barman drinking on the job. Even the head chef himself takes home dinner for himself and his girlfriend every night. I am told this happens everywhere and is taken into account in the food costs that are consequently passed on to the sucker restaurant patron. I have three words for these situations – security cameras everywhere! However, this may further increase the restaurant’s running costs, I suppose.

Under the Roman Empire, foie gras emerged for the first time as a delicacy in its own right. Rome’s conquest of formerly Greek domains (Turkey, Syria and Egypt) during 186 B.C. marks the beginning of a new chapter in Roman culinary habits. The army returning from Asia brought foreign luxury to Rome. It became a lengthy and costly business to prepare a meal. Cooks, who used to be regarded as slaves, began to demand high wages. That which had been toil became art. (Ginor, 1999)

The food costs gets worse when you have fat chefs in the kitchen. Unless they have a hormonal/ metabolic problem, a fat chef is a clear indication that he is literally eating you out of your profits. Before I start hearing the sirens of the Fat Brigade With Sensitive Feelings, consider this: you work in the kitchen for 12-14 hours only to stop for 2 hours to rest and have your one staff meal of the day. There is no such thing as sitting on the job like a clerk in the office and you should be really working your butt off. When working, you should just be grazing – to taste the food that you cook, not eat mouthfuls of it. So if you are working hard and tasting minimally during service, how the hell do you still put on weight?

In throwing a banquet, a Roman host’s first objective was to display his infinite largesse. However, the waste of food and money became so extreme that Augustus Caesar feared its effect on the Roman economy and instituted sumptuary laws demanding imperial agents be present at every feast to curb flagrant excess. (Ginor, 1999)

So equipped with this information, I myself am less inclined to eat out on my own. I know for the price I pay, 30% goes to the cost of the actual food plus the cost of lining someone else’s stomach. Another 30% goes to the wages of staff which also pays for a few of them to sit on their derrières, 30% for the other costs such as the ambience (including the cost of stolen cutlery and broken plates) and 10% goes to the poor owner in terms of profit. I still go out occasionally on my days off and with friends to restaurants that are truly worth the money. But when I am at home and have that half-arsed feeling that I am too tired to cook, I will still take half an hour to whip something up. Those who eat out on a daily basis for sustenance should think about this for a minute. Eating out every day is a waste of money and it feels satisfying cooking your own meal – at least you know it was your own grubby hands handling your food and not someone else’s.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Why do birds suddenly appear, every time I park here?

Is cheffing a career calling? If it is, money is obviously not the main objective because you get paid chump change. My boss receives the same sum that I used to earn for an entry-level corporate position sans the other perks. You do it because you love it and it really isn’t a job, but a lifestyle. And you really live for those occassions when a grateful patron actually makes the effort to visit you in front of the pass and personally thank you for the food. It’s just like buying that flash car for those moments when people look at your car and then tell you that you have a nice car. Although you wouldn’t want to openly admit it, but it’s times like those when you don’t regret foolishly spending your retirement fund on your midlife crisis.

In the eyes of the Australian immigration, a chef is in greater demand than an actuary or an economist, despite getting paid poorly. http://www.dimia.gov.au/skilled/general-skilled-migration/175/index.htm (click on Form 1121i)

When looking for a job, one thing to consider is parking availability especially if the restaurant is located in the city. Public transport is a nightmare because you’d be working past midnight when it ceases to exist. It takes me 5 minutes to travel to the area where I work but another hour just to find parking. Free all day parking, the urban myth, does exist and is the best-kept secret in Sydney. I surprised myself when I physically counted at least 70 free all day parking spots in Surry Hills alone but you are probably contending with 100 drivers who know these spots too. The only reason I get regular all-day parking is because I park in the postcode next door, stupidly in front of the Redfern Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Centre. When I walk to the car in the middle of the night, I make sure that my hand is on the handle of the largest cleaver that I have in my knife wallet. Even my six-foot head chef is worried every time he walks to my car for a lift home. I’d like to think that no one has broken into my car because of the sorry state it is in. My version of an annual carwash involves putting liquid detergent in the windshield wiper dispenser.

Cinnamon was once a commodity of great value and, together with nutmeg and clove – was the reason for much human bloodshed over time. The spice made its way to Europe over the ancient and dangerous spice route. Beginning in the ninth century, the Arabs kept their source of Ceylon cinnamon a highly guarded secret for many hundreds of years. They tried to discourage competitors from finding alternate sources by telling other traders, such as the Dutch and Portugese, stories of monsters inhabiting the countries that the Arabs suspected might contain the spice (Friberg, 2003).

Thursday, May 1, 2008

‘Free trial period’? Sounds fishy to me.

As exclusive as some restaurants are in Sydney, you’d think that they would have the proper Human Resources protocols to maintain workers’ rights – of course not. Being dumb and new into the industry, I was duped by three Hatted restaurants. Welcome to the worst stinking industry in Australia.

Buying fish: It is easier to assess the quality of whole fish than that of steaks or fillets, so always try to buy fish whole and then ask the fishmonger to prepare it for you or do this yourself (Trotter, 2005).

Before you are employed in a restaurant, you are always called in for a “trial” day that usually involves you working for 12 hours straight. The employer will usually watch you from afar throughout the day to gauge whether you are hardworking, skilled and most importantly, work well with the others in the kitchen. So when I was called for a trial day in the best restaurant in Sydney, I felt honoured that the executive chef promised me a job for the next available apprentice position. I worked for 14 ½ hours in blind faith that I would be up for a role, thinking that this was the norm in the industry. Later on, I was trialled in another lesser exclusive restaurant and was pleasantly surprised when they insisted on paying for my trial day. Apparently it is illegal to not pay a worker for a trial day! It has lately dawned on me that Top Restaurant Asshole simply got me in for a trial day to exploit me for free. Every time I think about this, my pseudo Tourette’s Syndrome kicks in.

To assess whole fish, use your sense of smell. Sniff under the gills and in the stomach cavity - fish should not smell strong or fishy. The gills should be bright red, skin should be smooth not slimy and the eyes should not be cloudy.

I suspect that the top restaurants are so cocky about their good reputations and know that they can pull in gullible chefs to work really hard during trial days at no extra cost. And as if anyone would dare lift the lid on this type of exploitation - no top restaurant in Sydney is going to hire a whistle blower.

When buying fish fillets and steaks, sniff the flesh – it should smell sweet and of the sea.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Feminine Female Chefs: A Dying Breed

Do you realise why there are so few female chefs (not including patisserie)? It boils down to the physical work and how the commercial kitchen is really designed for the average male.

To maximise the space of the kitchen, many important things are placed at least one foot taller than the average female – the heavy plates, the microwave and the Salamander (i.e. scary grill with flames from the top). Even though I go to the gym, I can only lift at the most three large dinner plates with one hand, whereas the average guy could probably grab five at a time – so I lose a few precious seconds plating my food. When I am heating food in the microwave like mash (you must be deluding yourself if you think we actually mash potatoes to order) or grilling oysters Mornay in the Salamander, I can hardly see the top of the containers when I reach for the hot stuff. As I am careful not to burn myself, I am slow at the process.

Not only am I not tall enough, my arms are also not long enough when it comes to reaching into a 240°C oven for the food cooking right at the back which involves putting my entire arm into Hell’s Mouth. I lose a few seconds rolling down my sleeves to prevent the fine hairs on my arms from singeing whereas many of the male chefs don’t even bother or aren't hesitant about it.

Male chef hands are so calloused that they function as your built-in kitchen gloves. They don’t think twice about using a single layer of kitchen towel to pick up hot frying pans or trays, whereas I would also lose a few seconds folding my dry towel at least three folds' thick to insulate my girly hands. Why don’t we have kitchen gloves? Beats me! Each chef has a single dry towel to function as your kitchen glove, wipe up smears from plated food, clear your bench space and clean your knife. No one will take you seriously with a kitchen glove.

Let’s also not forget the long and physical hours that you work every week. We are probably looking at an average of 13-hour shifts every day from 10am to 11 pm. You are so pumped with adrenalin from the night’s service that you find it hard to sleep straight away when you get home. Then you get up early to go do the same thing the next day. Like I said before, if you are a single female, you may remain that way for a long time unless you decide to sleep with another chef or a waiter but who the hell has the time of day or energy to do that?

Then there is the constant sexism in the kitchen and the male chefs who will try to bully you. The other week, some fat shit tried to take over my station a few times and I had to tell him to back off and when he gave me more attitude, I called him a Fucking High School Dropout to put him in his place. I don’t think a young 17-year-old feminine girl would have done the same because at that age, you would want everyone to like you. I am closing towards thirty now so I stick my middle finger up to any popularity contest.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Those who can't cook, criticise.

Food critics come in all shapes and sizes. Those by profession usually come unannounced and are discreet to truly gauge the restaurant’s service and quality of food. The credible, uncorrupted ones always pay for their meals in full like every other regular patron and will only ask for the restaurant’s details after the bill has been paid. I remember in one of the top kitchens in Sydney, the female owner turns into a bundle of nerves during “food critic season”. She complained that a particular well-known food critic “likes to play games” with her and once in a while decides to become vegetarian just for the hell of it.
Then there are those cheapskate patrons who come and announce that they are food reviewers, hoping to score a complimentary dish from the quivering chef behind the pass. Some of them may be genuine critics but probably of a lesser-known publication who still want to receive royal treatment. Oh, go fuck yourselves.

Origins of the Michelin Guide
The Michelin Guide was originally a guidebook published by Michelin (yes, the tyre company) to help keen motorists maintain their cars, find decent lodging and eat well while touring. It included addresses of things like gasoline distributors, garages, tyre stockists and public toilets. As motoring became more widespread, a star system was developed and is probably the most recognised and influential culinary rating in Western Europe. Three Michelin Stars is seen to be the pinnacle of the gastronomy echelon.

Although most chefs have tough Type-A personalities, they do have fragile egos. We are easily offended by the tiniest remarks made by customers – when a customer wants their meat particularly well done and complains that it is still “bloody” when it isn’t (please refer to blog dated 30 March 2008), we dismiss them for their ignorance.

Bernard Loiseau was a famous French-decorated chef who was the first star restaurateur to establish the concept of having one’s restaurant incorporated and traded. But as the direction of the restaurant changed to maximise profits, standards were compromised. The Gault Millau guide downgraded it from 19/20 to 17/20 and there were rumours that he was about to lose one of his coveted three Michelin stars. The Chevalier de la Legion d’honneur shot himself in the mouth with his hunting rifle in February 2003. It later emerged that Michelin never planned to downgrade Loiseau’s rating.

What really irritates us the most about a complaint is that it slows down our service because when a complaint comes in, we have to redo the dish immediately, which means that food to the other tables gets delayed by ten minutes or more.

Francois Vatel, famous for inventing Chantilly cream for an extravagant banquet in honour of Louis XIV in April 1671, was supposedly so distraught about the lateness of the fish and other mishaps that he committed suicide by running himself through a sword. His death was treated as a national tragedy (Kladstrup).

There is also a third category of irritating food critics – your extremely fussy patron who thinks that he knows everything just because he watches the Food Channel religiously. The ones who insist on having oysters shucked in the premises but can’t even tell that the grilled scallops came into the kitchen frozen weeks before. And if they are male, more than half the time, they’re gay. Don’t get me wrong, I love gay people but there is some truth behind the bitchy stereotype and I do have an over-inflated ego.

Clemens Wilmenrod, a German television cook, was credited for introducing turkey as a typical Christmas dinner and invented “filled strawberries”. When a viewer accused him of not having invented the “filled strawberry” himself, he put a long cook’s knife against his chest and swore to kill himself if but a single viewer who had already eaten “filled strawberry” before were to call. Wilmenrod committed suicide in 1967 after being diagnosed with a terminal disease (Wikipedia, 2008).

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Vermincelli, anyone?

No matter how clean your restaurant is, you can never avoid pests – especially if you are in an area infested with them. So even if your prices are exclusively exorbitant, you can’t avoid all street vermin because the non-human ones probably came from your neighbours’ kitchens.

Because of this sad truth, the health authorities cannot close restaurants down, provided that the restaurant “attempts to take precautions” such as setting rattraps and making sure that food is not exposed. However, these little bastards are smart – why on earth would you eat a pathetic piece of dried-up, month old meat, when you have daily morsels lying in the bins or nuts in the plastic containers that you could easily chew through.

Nuts are best kept in the fridge in their shells and stored in sealed containers to prevent absorbing other odours. Almonds and cashews are the most hardy, while walnuts and pecans are most prone to deterioration in storage.

We have three resident rats in the restaurant that are so brazen, they don’t even bother running away when you turn on the lights. Squiggles, Fatso and Stumpy literally hang around on the overhead pipes and chew through the hard plastic containers to eat the nuts and almond meal – as I have discovered when I was cleaning out the larder. Did we throw away the stuff? Of course not – it went straight into the delicious desserts that we serve to drunken patrons.

Dessert is the last course of the meal, offered after all the other food has been “desservi”: literally “unserved” (removed), which is where the word “dessert” comes from. Until the mid 19th century it was usual to offer an array of sweets, such as crystallized fruits and nuts, before the actual dessert, which might be a cream, compote, fancy cake, or pastry. (Norman et al., 2005)

Besides the nocturnal visitors, we also have daytime mice that probably avoid the territorial rats. Yesterday when the dishwasher came in the afternoon to start cleaning the day’s dishes, he drained the sink to find a dead mouse in the midst of noodle and rice scraps. It was stiff which meant that it must have been dead for a few hours in the sink water. When I saw this, the girly genes made me scream. I bolted into the toilets to wash my arms in scalding hot water because I realised that I was rinsing dishes in vermincelli the entire morning.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Sex in the Kitchen

You will probably notice a recurring theme in this blog – that as a girl in any organization, you will still face a lot of sexism (especially in the kitchen) as it really is a boy’s club. Cooking in the kitchen is very physical – you have to move fast, you have to be strong to whisk and chop for long periods and you have to carry heavy loads. Many females are stationed in the pastry section (because they “can’t take the heat”) or if they make it far up the food chain, there is a high chance that they bat for the other side and are Grill Butches. Also, no one is going to listen to you if you don’t yell above the clanging pots or don’t act tough enough. Because of this, I have learnt to be really firm and demanding of the junior chefs in the kitchen if they step out of line. The other day, when a junior chef was being a smart ass with me, I got him to make a bucket of Caesar dressing with a whisk. When the other chefs asked him why he wasn’t using the electric Bamix, he exclaimed, “Chef's gone Old School on me. She’s crazy!”

Did you ever stop to think that fruits are the product of sex? When a flower is fertilised, it produces a seed and to protect the seed (and other reasons), it plumps up and the flesh around the seed forms the flesh of the fruit. You can thus consider all fruits a product of plant reproduction, which is why tomatoes, green beans, eggplants, cucumbers and corn kernels are fruits, not vegetables. Seedless fruits are virgins flowers sprayed with hormones, which confuses the flowers to think that they are pregnant, so that they produce fruits without seeds in them.

When you enter a new kitchen, there are three things always asked straight away:
1) What country are you from?
2) How old are you?
3) Do you have a boyfriend/ Are you married?
Perhaps these questions are intended to find out your seniority in the kitchen or whether you are available. If it is the latter, I guess it is understandable since chefs don’t get to meet people during social (i.e. eating) hours. If you are female, straight and not married already, you may remain single for a very long time.

Some fruits are compound fruits (a fruit consisting of the fusion of the fruits of numerous flowers into a single fruit) such as a pineapple. I often describe the process as a bunch of flowers having a massive orgy.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Take it like a man, Small Fry!

The closet geek in me likens commercial cooking to martial arts. Timing in cooking is very intuitive. I once asked my head chef how I should cook meat and he said, “I can’t really tell you exactly. All produce varies in quality, density and size so there are no set guidelines. You just have to feel your way through it.” In other words, use The Force, small fry!

Most professional cooks still evaluate meats by their “feel” and by the way their juices flow:
Bleu meat – cooked at the surface, but just warmed within, remains relatively unchanged – soft to the touch, like the muscle between thumb and forefinger when it’s completely relaxed, with little or no coloured juice (some colourless fat may melt out).

Most junior chefs have a mentor in the kitchen who guides them along. And like many Masters, they would hold something back from their students. Being paranoid myself, my recipes are written to the bare minimum, either enough for myself to understand or it is password protected in my laptop.

Rare meat – some of whose protein has coagulated, is more resilient when poked with the finger – like the thumb-forefinger muscle when the two digits are stretched apart – and red juice begins to appear at the surface. To some people this is meat at its most succulent; to others it is still raw, “bloody” (though the juices are not blood)

Medium-done meat - whose connective-tissue collagen has shrunk, is more firm – like the thumb-forefinger muscle when the two digits are squeezed together – and squeezes droplets of red juice to steak and chop surfaced, while the interior pales to pink. Most but not all microbes are killed in this range.

I made porcini risotto last night for the kitchen and my head chef took his portion home for supper. The next day, he stormed into the kitchen demanding to know who made the risotto. When I bravely confessed, expecting him to crucify me for some form of imperfection, he said, “My girlfriend who hates risotto, actually finished it. Your risotto is fucking awesome”. And trying to respond like a guy in the kitchen, I gave him a nod and said, “Thank you, chef” – I saved the victory dance for when I got home.

Well-done meat – nearly all its proteins denatured, is frankly stiff to the touch, little juice is apparent, and both juice and interior are a dull tan or grey. Microbes are dead, and many meat lovers would say that the meat is too. However, prolonged, gentle cooking will loosen the connective tissue harness and bring back a degree of tenderness.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Rocky Road Cupcake

Also known as food shoot number 2 (a collaboration with highly talented Camera Girl).

I only use pure butter in cakes so even after 3 days, the cake still tastes good (plus, I am a butter snob). The tops are made with maraschino cherries, coconut flakes, pink & white marshmallows and drizzled with melted milk chocolate. Because this was catered for a two-year-old kindergarten party, I opted not to include any nuts and left the bases quite plain. Otherwise, I would have made a triple colour marble cupcake base.

For the rest, the entire shoot was done using natural light and one reflector and a tripod.


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The best part is eating it though!



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Monday, March 10, 2008

I have not eaten dog shit, but if I did, it probably tastes like Australian “Malaysian Satay”

I am so grateful for immigration because along with the cheap, hardworking foreign labour (especially dishwashers) it brings into Australia, it also gives us a taste of exotic cuisine. However, as appreciative as I am to be able to eat “beef rendang” at my local, as a Malaysian, I am terribly ashamed of the monstrosity that Australians identify as Malaysian Satay. First of all, satay sauce is made from ground spices, roughly chopped peanuts and coconut milk that has been simmered for hours, not bloody peanut butter and chilly! When I have more clout in the food scene, I aim to start an “Authentic Cuisine” movement and petition against bastardized crap. The Authenticity Label should be just as important as the Heart Foundation Tick. Come on guys, if you have to tailor your food to “suit local tastebuds”, the locals don’t deserve it!

The Dubious Origins of the Chinese Fortune Cookie:
San Francisco and Los Angeles both lay claim to the origin of the fortune cookie. Makoto Hagiwara of Golden Gate Park's Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco is said to have invented the cookie as an extension to Japanese desserts in 1909 (Martin 2004), while David Jung, founder of the Hong Kong Noodle Company in Los Angeles, is said to have invented them in 1918 (Brunner 2005). San Francisco's mock Court of Historical Review took the case in 1983. A federal judge of the Court of Historical Review determined that the cookie originated with Hagiwara and the court ruled in favor of San Francisco. Subsequently, the city of Los Angeles condemned the decision.
1. Martin, James (2004), "Fortune Cookies: A San Francisco Invention"
2. Brunner, Borgna (2005), "The History of the Fortune Cookie"

I feel sorry for vegetarians/ vegans/ people with allergies in general because they probably get discriminated on a regular basis. I remember when my younger sister would receive the same reaction from people when she told them that she was a vegetarian – they responded as if she had just died. Little do these “special diet people” know that they also cause a cruder response in the commercial kitchen as well. We especially do not respond well to vegans because we rely on pounds of butter.

How to season a new Moroccan Tajine:
1. Soak tajine for at least 24 hours prior to its first use
2. Leave it to dry in the sunlight (preferable the garden) for a few days
3. Rub olive oil in the inner surfaces of the lid and base
4. Put 1 cup of water, some bay leaves, chilly, salt and pepper into the tajine and place in a cold oven. Set the temperature at 200°C and leave for an hour.
5. For its first few uses, do not go over 240°C but gradually work your way towards this high temperature
6. Good tajines can be used over gas stoves (on top of a heat diffuser), ovens and barbeque grills
7. There is a huge difference when using the tajine because of the flavour that it imparts into the food.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The only time you can call me a bitch is when you put “Grill” before it


I was in the CD store and chatting with the owner who could not believe that I was a chef until he saw the scars on my arms. I have now reconciled with myself that as long as I am a chef, I will never have nice nails or hands. Perhaps this is also a suggestion to hand cream manufacturers to use chefs as their ultimate litmus test, rather than using animals.

Tips on Char-Grilling Steaks:
Always oil the meat before cooking, to maintain its moisture.
Let the meat rest to allow the muscles to relax so that the juices are retained within the meat. As long as you do not cut it, it will retain its heat for a few minutes.

Have you ever eaten out and appreciated the perfection of your ordered meal? How the meat is cooked just the way you asked; how the vegetables and mash are also nice and hot? And how everyone gets his or her food at the same time? Commercial cooking is almost like a well-coordinated orchestra. Usually the sous chef conducts the entire operation. The order comes in for seared salmon with Asian vegetables, medium rare grilled eye fillet and a side of truffled mash. The sous chef starts searing the meat and as the meat is three minutes away from ready, calls out for the mash to be heated. Two minutes away - the vegetables are dropped in the boiling water and the chef calls out for the fish to be cooked. One minute away – the meat and fish are left to rest, while everything else is assembled on the plates by the sous chef. Now imagine trying to handle orders from ten tables with about six persons per table.

Total grilling times for a 450g rump, sirloin, entrecote, porterhouse or T-bone beef steak
Rare: 6-8 minutes
Medium: 10-12 minutes
Well done: 12-14 minutes
Total time will vary depending on the type of pan, heat, quality an thickness of the meat.

Within 3 days of stepping into the industry, I was promoted to Breakfast Chef and now after approximately 3 weeks, I have taken the responsibilities of the Sous Chef (although I am not allowed to formally have the title because I’m not a qualified chef). I can finally call myself The Grill Bitch and have apprentices cook my meals. The power trip becomes me.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

I'd like something that sounds awfully expensive & exotic, please.

I am not sure what irks me more – chefs mispronouncing French cooking terms or chefs misusing them. This must be the product of informal education between apprentices and chefs that go unchecked. In combination with deep-seeded insecurities of lacking in university qualifications, they abuse French terms to sound intimidating and smart. I now tolerate a younger (and overly confident) chef who keeps using the term “mise en place” for service and I cringe every time he does so.

Mise en place: French literal term “put in place”, meaning that the preparation is ready up to the point of cooking.

In combination of the actual taste of the dish and its presentation, one other factor is rarely given credit – the vivid illustration written in the menu. Beautiful prose often serves as the mental appetiser to what is to come. Beef steak, gravy with a vegetable stack gives the impression that one is eating at an Retired Services League club, but if it was described as Grain Fed Angus eye fillet, served with a red wine jus and a tien of summer vegetables, one would more likely associate it with fine dining. Make it sound exotic and intimidating – if it works in the kitchen, it would certainly work in the restaurant!

Grain-fed: Fed grain-dominated rations for a minimum of 3 months in controlled conditions, Such beef has maximum marbling,
Grass-fed: Raised and fattened on pasture. Advocates of grain-fed beef suggest that climatic variations and seasonal differences can lead to an inconsistency of quality in grass-fed beef.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Chefs behaving badly

You have probably heard that all head chefs behave like rock stars and I am here to confirm this. Waitresses flirt with them because they have to be fed, and if they want to be fed well, that’s what they resort to doing – the concept is somewhat Neolithic. Because in the barbaric kitchen domain there is no such thing as the Human Resources Department, comments and acts of sexual harassment are rife and commonly accepted. All this bad behaviour stems from years of abuse by other chefs and dishonest owners so when they have climbed to the top of the food chain, they transcend all past aggression to others as if it is a rite of passage.

Ageing of meat/ Maturation: After the animal is killed, the flesh is still warm and it passes through a stage known in France as pantelante (twitching). Then rigor mortis sets in. In the next stage, rassise, the flesh becomes tender and flavoursome as the sinews are less taut and the muscles relax. The speed and intensity with which meat ages is influenced both by the quality of the meat (which is affected by the animal’s diet) and the ambient temperature.

When a chef has been abused to the point that is insufferable, you may find that he/she may leave without notice or quite literally walk out of the kitchen as soon as payday comes around – in the midst of a full service. You may also find that your prized produce has gone missing (which explains why all the good meat and coffee are locked up). In the restaurant where I work, the executive chef, sous chef, chef de partie and I have decided to walk out of the restaurant today because the owner was planning to replace all of us with cheaper staff and he did not pay government-compulsory superannuation. We all have other jobs already lined up, which is the one great thing about being a chef – you are guaranteed a job anywhere in the world.

Hanging/ Faisandage: Derived from the French word “faisan” (pheasant). The operation of leaving red meat in a cool place for varying length of time to make the flesh more tender and improve in flavour. In theory, beef should be hung for 3-4 weeks at -1.5°C, 15 days at 0°C, two days at 20°C or one day at 43°C. In practice, however, it is hung in a cold room at 2°C for 5-6 days.

Monday, February 18, 2008

The scars bring out the brute in me

I have managed to acquire two burns from hot oil, another on my wrist for accidentally touching the edge of a hot saucepan, cuts of my left ring finger, a hairline cut across my forehead (which I can’t recall how I got it) and scalded finger tips from immersing food in boiling water – all this in one day. I get branded on a daily basis and because I work in intense heat, I tend to be more aggressive. I am starting to curse a lot more than usual and when I get attitude from people, I tend to lash out at them– no more “Delicate Asian Flower”. The other day, I politely asked the waitress to serve out the dish immediately and she quipped, “My name is X and I only respond to my name, thank you very much!” I was already under so much pressure trying to cook through the orders and just lost it. I asked her what my name was and she didn’t get it right, so I told her and said, “So don’t you forget MY NAME, you fucking high school dropout!” She’s been nicer to me ever since.

In the abattoir, health and hygiene inspections take place at three stages – on the living animal, on the viscera (internal organs) and on the carcass; at the two latter stages this may lead to confiscation of all or part of the product. If all the inspections are satisfactory the carcass is branded as conforming to legal requirements.

You will find that in many restaurants, the kitchen and the wait staff do not mix well. Quite understandable when the wait staff gets abused by fussy restaurant patrons and in turn, will annoy the chefs. On the other hand, chefs work in intense conditions and the kitchen functions like a well-oiled machine but when an order is not taken correctly and the food is sent back to the kitchen, chefs will take it out on the wait staff, as it disrupts the somewhat smooth-flowing operation. I have noticed in really great restaurants, one partner would head the kitchen while the other partner heads the dining room and this creates great team interaction between the two domains.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Food Photo Shoot


DSC_0546.jpg
Originally uploaded by mirvettium
For more examples from our photo shoot, go here or subscribe to the feed for timely update.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Would you like my knife in your chest or in your back?

I have a new Japanese boyfriend called Shun – not only is he beautiful, he is also very sharp. Although size-wise he is not as impressive as my former lover, the 23 cm still does the job. The only problem with Shun is that I am forced to also spend money on Shun’s partner Kai but after a few trysts with Kai, I have discovered how wonderful he is with all my other knives!

My knives are the loves of my life and as a commercial chef, you have to dedicate time (and money) sharpening your tools of trade. Using a ceramic rod on a daily basis can keep your knives sharp but after a month, it still loses its edge which is why you should maintain it by having it professionally sharpened, or buy a KAI electric knife sharpener.

If using a sharpening stone, chefs either use water, soapy water or oil but stick to just one medium. I would recommend just water as using oil could get messy and soil your knife wallet. When using water, soak the stone for at least 15 minutes prior to sharpening your knife. Depending on the make of your knife, the angle of the blade could range from 15-35 degrees from the surface of the sharpening stone.

While we are in the realms of discussing sharp objects, I might as well mention the backstabbing that happens in the kitchen. Even the executive chef’s position is not safe unless he is in co-partnership with the restaurant owner (and this may happen if the owner thinks that he can replace the executive chef with someone who would cost less). Just as how you would observe certain signs in the office to indicate there is some movement in the corporate world (e.g. HR department instructed to halt employee intake prior to large mergers/ redundancies), there are also signs in the kitchen when someone has to leave unexpectedly. You know that you are being replaced when the owner insists on getting your recipes from you, or you know that the chef is leaving on his own accord when he doesn’t give a rat’s ass to perform a stock-take of the larder. So if you are a chef, keep your recipes to yourself and do not share it with anyone.

Serrated knives (such as bread knives) will eventually lose their sharpness and because they cannot be sharpened, they have to be replaced every few years.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

For the love of L'oeuf

When the breakfast chef last week walked out of the kitchen to take the day off, I assumed that he’d be back after a week’s break but it has dawned on me that he has walked out of the restaurant permanently. So now I have been promoted to breakfast chef during the mornings - without any training for breakfast. This is absolute madness! Apparently chefs walk out of restaurants so often that there are agencies who will supply chefs at the last minute and charge a premium for this service.

Differentiating Cooked eggs from Raw:
To find out whether an intact egg is raw or already cooked, spin it on its side. If it spins fast and smoothly, it’s cooked. If it seems balky and wobbly, it’s raw – the liquid contents of the raw egg slip and slosh and resist the movement of the solid shell. (McGee)

A repairman came today to fix the grill so taking advantage of the chance meeting, I found out that Goldstein equipment are the most reliable in the market.

For perfectly poached eggs: Break each egg into a cup to ensure the yolk is intact. Fill a saucepan with water about 10 cm deep and add enough vinegar (1 tbsp vinegar to 1 litre water) and/or salt to taste, having it at a gentle boil. This raises the temperature of the water, ensuring that the egg white cooks before it feathers out into the water, forming a nice bag. Cook the egg for 3-4 minutes and remove using a slotted spoon. Drain on a folded tea towel before serving.

Another instance of the cutthroat restaurant business: Some asshole owners will try to hire staff and put them on permanent staff wages that are much lower than casual rates. But when the restaurant is quiet, they will send these staff members back early so that at the end of the day, the staff wages are cut back. In other occasions, you may be put on a fixed salary but are asked to do much more hours and so at the end of the day you may end up working for only $10 an hour on average.

The chemical change in rotten eggs: Both the yolk and the white get more alkaline with time. This is because the egg contains carbon dioxide, which takes the form of carbonic acid when it is dissolved in the white and yolk, but is slowly lost in its gaseous form through the pores in the shell. The yolk rises from a slightly acidic pH of 6.0 to nearly neutral 6.6, while the albumen goes from somewhat alkaline 7.7 to a very alkaline 9.2 and sometimes higher (McGee).

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Pernicious Leprosy of Politics

Despite swapping your power suits for chef whites, you can never escape politics. The commercial kitchen is no different but probably more uncivilized. If The King (i.e. the Executive/Head Chef) says something offensive, you just take it (this is when yoga and meditation are actually useful). God help you if you answer back (even if it is to clarify or explain the situation) because you will appear insubordinate and nothing you say will change The King’s mood. So in order to survive His Majesty’s wrath, you associate yourself with the second most important person in the kitchen kingdom – the Sous Chef.

In the kitchen kingdom, the Executive Chef is completely territorial over his kitchen staff. All kitchen staff is accountable to him, not the Restaurant Manager (which is why you would probably notice these two arguing regularly).

Chef ranks (with descending importance)

Chef de Cuisine: Restaurants are named after them and they conceive the dishes. They are rarely in the kitchen.

Executive Chef: Runs the whole kitchen and revamps the menu. Performs all the administrative tasks, including hiring and firing the staff. Interacts with the dining room managers.

Sous Chef: Always does the hands-on work in the kitchen. Comes up with the daily specials, takes inventory and watches over the staff.

Expeditor: Ensures all the food gets to the wait staff in a timely fashion. Requires coordination and timing.

Pastry Chef: Shares the same level as the sous chef but in the pastry section

Line Cooks/ Chef de Partie/ Station Chef: Actually cooks your food. These sections are either divided by cooking technique or type of food.

Chef de garde-manger: Works at the cold station (e.g. salads, terrines & sometimes desserts)

Chef de Partie

Commis Chef: The lowly apprentice who works under the Chef de Partie)

Demi Chef: Chef who has completed the apprenticeship

Kitchen steward/ hand: Washes the dishes and cleans kitchen.

In Sydney, a restaurant cannot admit cheap apprentices if it does not have a qualified chef.

My corn fritters sold out on Sunday! I now have to make larger batches before The King asks for the recipe for the fourth time. Every time he asks me for the recipe fortunately something urgent happens in the kitchen so I have managed to skirt around the issue quite successfully. I am not sure how long I can hold out but it is now my future bargaining chip.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

The Origins of My Obsession

My earliest recollection in the kitchen was when I was four years old and Dad would prop me on top of the kitchen stool to stir fry the wok. I also remember that his first birthday present to me was a 15 cm non-stick frying pan and many weekends were spent roaming the aisles of the home wares department. My father was a brilliant cook and he too expressed his affection for us by filling the Lazy Susie with food and waited patiently for the entire family to gather around the dinner table. Nothing was ever simple or non-fattening. Mom would complain that there was either too much food or it was very oily but we always enjoyed Dad’s dinners. I believe my love for fat-loaded comfort food stemmed from Daddy’s influence (which is why the profit margins of my future kitchen would be directly related to the price of butter and oil).

Seasoning a new wok: Fry some freshly grated coconut in the wok until it is dry. Discard the pulp and rinse the wok. Next, rub an onion half on the inner surface of the pan. Bruise the onion and then fry it in 2 Tbsp oil. Discard the onion and rinse the wok. Some old wives would also advise you to then fry fish and potatoes to improve and season the inner surface of the wok further.

The nanny at that time was called Big Sister Yoke Mui and whenever I wanted to cook, she had to supervise me because I was not allowed to light up the gas stove by myself. When I was finally taught to operate the stove by the time I reached six, I would modify my share of the nanny’s cooking during dinner, to Yoke Mui’s offence. This also sparked many occasions where I would experiment in the kitchen with whatever ingredients that I could get my hands on. Despite the huge mess that I made, Yoke Mui was extremely patient with me.

Yoke Mui decided to go back to live with her own family after staying with us for years and I was heartbroken when she was about to leave. I remember crying and begging for her to stay, trying to bargain like any 10 year old would. Her final words to me were not “Listen to your parents” or “Study hard”. She hugged me and said, “When you uncover boiling pots, make sure that the lids face the other way to shield your face from the hot steam”.

When purchasing new pots, always choose one with a heavy base because it retains the heat better and provides even heating. If you have an induction stove, pretty copperware will not work on this surface. The general rule for compatible pots is that if the material can adhere onto magnetic surfaces, it is able to transfer the heat from the induction stove.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Business Man vs The Artist: "What is this? A #&cking steakhouse?!"

In the kitchen that I am working in, I can classify the chefs into two categories. In one group, the chefs just work for the sake of working and cut corners to keep the restaurant business afloat. They are the utilitarians who just have to put steak and potatoes on the menu to cater for the general public. They are also the ones that cheat and use Chinese wonton skins to make ravioli (and the dumb patrons can’t tell the difference).

Then there is the other group of chefs who are more interesting. They are the true artists in the kitchen who come up with the most bizarre and beautiful combinations. These chefs, despite earning pauper wages, will visit the top restaurants to explore what their creative peers are producing. I know one in particular who is so passionate about his craft and gets insulted when someone orders a steak sandwich in which he sarcastically replies, “Do you want fries with that? And would you like to upsize your meal? What is this? A fucking steakhouse?!!”. I truly feel his pain. I think that when he leaves (I am pretty sure that he will eventually) and open up his own restaurant, he is one of those chefs to watch closely.

There is a constant battle between these two groups. On one side, you have to be sensitive about the costs to make money but on the other side, you also want to be creative to set yourself apart from the rest. In my view, why not be creative and if people like your food, they wouldn’t mind paying a little bit extra to experience something different.

Mirepoix (Large & Small): Cut the vegetables into pieces of the same approximate size. The longer the vegetables will be cooked, the larger the pieces of mirepoix. Large mirepoix is primarily used in stocks and small mirepoix in the making of sauces.

The poultry suppliers tried to screw us over today following Tuesday’s debacle on the lukewarm meats. He claimed that the meats were not frozen because they just slaughtered the birds that morning and sent it to us first thing. However, when the Sous chef filleted one of the birds, he noticed that the middle was still frozen so he knew that the supplier was trying to pull a fast one on us.

Besides dishonest suppliers, restaurants also have to put up with dishonest patrons who try to complain about the smallest detail to get a free meal. We had 4 covers today and although they complained about the bread not being toasted properly, they cleaned out their entire plates (including the bread) and walked out without paying.

Another challenge which kitchens face is consistency, which is why a good executive chef would demonstrate the dish to everyone in the kitchen and leave pictures of the food presentation along with its recipe to follow to a T.

Oblique cut: This cut is used on elongated vegetables such as carrots and parsnips. Starting at the narrow end of each vegetable cut a diagonal piece about 1/3 inch long, with the knife blade pointing away from you at a 45-degree angle. Roll the vegetable a quarter turn and cut another piece at the same angle. Repeat the process until the vegetable widens. Slice in half lengthwise and continue to turn and cut. If the pieces become too large, cut lengthwise again to keep pieces equal in size (Keller 2007).

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Stop! Don't order the salad!

What I am going to say may put you off eating at a restaurant (but it wouldn’t matter if you absolutely loved food and/or you just can’t cook for shits). There is nothing healthy about food here. Everything has got at least 3 times the amount of fat than you think it does. In Western cooking, chefs cook by the bars of butter instead of grams and even in “healthy” Asian stir-fries, either the meat or the vegetables are deep-fried before they are stir-fried. “Ah ha! Then I will just stick to the salads” you might quip but think again. I have worked in three restaurants now (2 of them were in the top 5 in Sydney) and none of them actually wash their salad leaves. Imagine the pesticide residue still left on them.

I was left to my own devices as the breakfast chef decided to walk out of the restaurant and take the day off. No one gave me specific recipes to follow so I prepared my interpretation of the menu – I made my own version of corn fritters with avocado salsa and rocket, fluffy ricotta pancakes, cinnamon berry compote with Malibu liquor and French toast with dried fig and ricotta mix. When the executive chef came in, I could tell that he was impressed with my corn fritters because he finished the entire sample plate and asked for the recipe.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The genetic virtues of a chef

When you enter the commercial kitchen for the first time, you should know where the first aid box is because accidents happen all the time. One of the chefs noticed my really bad habit of holding my vegetables in the wrong manner and just as he was predicting my next cut while he was demonstrating the “correct technique”, he sliced the top of his finger with my knife. Suddenly my chopped white onions turned Spanish red. Which brings me to my thoughts on what kind of qualities should a great chef have - stamina, coordination, tastebuds, the ability to improvise and the gift of healing fast.

Batons: This vegetable cut is similar to Julienne, but cut thick like potato chips.
Using a mandoline or sharp knife, cut vegetables into sheets of the desired thickness. Trim to desired length. Cut crosswise to form batins of an even thickness and width.

Dice: Vegetables are perfectly cubed. Cut the vegetables into batons, leaving the pieces as long as possible. Cut across into squares to form the dice.

Turned: Vegetables cut in this method look like miniature rugby/footballs.
Cut the vegetables into pieces slightly larger than the desired size of the shaped vegetable. Using a paring knife, cut from top to bottom, making the ends slightly tapered than the middle.

I have rediscovered the magic of using bleach. My uniform gets stained with beetroot and it comes off after an overnight soak. At the rate that I am going with the stuff, I think I will have to start bulk-buying generic bleach. I have noticed that in every kitchen that I have worked in so far, the chefs wear the same brand: “Club Chef”. Does this brand have a monopoly in the chef’s uniform department? And the uniforms for women are not flattering at all. It’s as if a man designed the uniforms and instead of using a female model for his samples, he has chosen to fashion the pattern after a male midget.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

"Don't touch my dick, don't touch my knife" Part I

Knives are like the extension of their owner’s penises. Everyone checks out each other’s equipment – the bigger they are, the more impressive. And nobody touches each other’s knives during work – “Don’t touch my dick, don’t touch my knife” attitude. It is the one thing that chefs will wash themselves and will not leave to the kitchen hand to clean.

Every chef supplies his/her own set of knives which makes sense because a good knife can cost about AUD$300, and because you spent so much money on it, you wouldn’t abuse your own knife. You would not simply throw it in the sink because it could damage the knife’s point and you’d make an effort to sharpen it regularly.

When the knife point is damaged, you can send it back to the manufacturer to get it re-tipped at a fraction of its cost.

The biggest sin for any chef is not to sharpen his/her knife regularly. You are inevitably punished for your laziness – blunt knives can’t cut as well and when you accidentally cut yourself (which you will in a commercial kitchen), the cut isn’t as clean when it happens with a razor sharp knife.

If you cut your hand, you have to wear gloves the entire day (until the wound heals) for hygiene reasons.

In the commercial kitchen, I realise that I have a 20-yr-old bad habit of incorrectly holding my food when I chop. My fingers are stretched out and not neatly tucked away. Yes, I need to improve on my knife skills and after this whole year, I aim to do so. I am currently using a 26cm Global chef knife and although it is light enough for constant cutting, you have to sharpen it more regularly than you would using a Shun knife.

I love big knives and I am always trying to upgrade in size. However, I found out that shops cannot bring in any knife longer than 30 cm because it would be considered a weapon in the Australian Custom’s perspective.